I am not sure I have ever felt more glad that it was Friday than I did today. What a long week; client crises, PMS, Turtle's first week in first grade, and a mountain of laundry. I looked forward to some time on the couch watching a marathon of The United States of Tara, which Steven ever so sweetly, got me addicted to. But while I was in the kitchen, supervising the making of our homemade nachos, I heard a bloodcurdling scream coming from the parking lot. I went outside and the little boy who lives across the street was wailing. I mean, the kid was ugly crying. Snot, tears, heaving. The whole nine yards. I was sure his mom would come out and get him, but the longer I stood there in the boxer briefs I had borrowed from Steven the more I realized that was not going to happen.
So I decided I needed to do something. I pulled my sunglasses off the top of my head, where they are housed from the time I wake up until I go to bed-yes, even on work days and slid them over my eyes. I walked over to the little guy, and realized it was Turtle's classmate who I will call Pete just for the sake of naming him. Pete is 6 or 7, but is a little delayed. If I had to guess, I would say he functions at the age of the average 4 or 5 year old. Anyway, when I got over to Pete I immediately turned on "Social Work" mode, and started coaching him. I talked him through deep breaths and other grounding techniques and when I could finally reduce the sobbing enough to understand what he was saying, he told me he had just seen a snake "running" across his front patio. Now mind you, we were now maybe 20 feet from his patio and he was screaming loud enough that I could hear him from about 50 ft. Yet I was the only person who came outside. I got him back in his house and started thinking. There are probably 10 townhouses within earshot of where Pete was standing. Each unit either has 2 or 3 bedrooms, and if we assume at least 3 people live in each unit, and maybe half of those people are home or don't have their TV up too loud, that still leaves 13 people who chose to do nothing (Steven offered to go but I was starving and he was cooking).
Now, I know that some people believe in that idea of not getting involved in other people's drama. And I get that, to an extent. I even recognize that I have reacted to a lot of situations that perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut about. But I also know that I am the kind of person that would not have been able to live with myself if the homeless man died on the sidewalk outside of my apartment, or the little baby playing in a front yard unsupervised got kidnapped, or the reckless car full of teenagers swerved in and out of rush hour traffic without using turn signals had caused or been in an accident. Or if poor little Pete was hurt, in any way, shape or form.
So where is the line supposed to be drawn? When are we allowed to reach out for help, or when are we supposed to just turn a blind eye? When does a snitch become a good Samaritan? Or vice versa? I know that there are people that have either turned a blind eye to a person or situation in need of help. Even I, the over concerned social worker has walked by a homeless person asking for change, thinking, "If I don't make eye contact it won't be like I am ignoring him". What drives us to do that? And how can we change it?
I would argue, and this goes back to my post Stamp Out Stigma!, that we are made uncomfortable about that which we do not know about, or is unfamiliar to us. So, rather than address the problem, we turn away from it and succumb to our belief that, "if I can't see it, it's not there", and in turn, "if it's not there, I don't have to feel uncomfortable or confront it". Additionally, stigma plays a role in the way that we choose to judge people or situations. "He's just a drunk" or "that family is just like that" or "I don't want to be the next victim" get in the way of us simply doing the right thing. We could choose to treat each person or situation differently. But it's easier for our simple minds to see each group of people, neighborhoods, families and situations as the same. And none of that should be our problem.
But it is our problem. If we turn away from the issue, we are allowing ourselves to become part of the problem. We are making it okay for a starving person to starve, or a homeless person freeze, for the two year old to be left home alone, or a partner to fall victim to their significant other's hand. We are allowing the voiceless to remain voiceless and the oppressed to remain oppressed. We become the problem, and I would argue, maybe even the oppressor.
So since we are the problem, what can we do to change it? I'm not saying that we need to call the police as soon as we see something which pulls at our ethical strings. But what I am saying is we need to be sure of where our moralities lie. We need to explore our own core belief systems. Are we causing a bigger problem? Are we ignoring an injustice? Or maybe just, Can I live with the decision I am about to make? I hope that next time you hear a neighbor child like Pete screaming, or see a person in need you will think of this. And that you will make a decision that you will be able to live with.
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