The Great Debate: How I plan to Limit Screen Time This Summer

It's been almost FOUR MONTHS since I have sat down to write. Wow. So much for my New Year's Resolutions (or revolutions as Turtle calls them). 

So much has happened in that time. Here are the highlights:

I did a little traveling to celebrate the marriage of two of my beautiful friends, and got to spend time with some of the best people I know 

Mom and Walter visited and we celebrated Mother's Day and the following weekend Pap visited!

Turtle finished 1st grade. Yikes.











I got really serious about working out and keeping a food journal. I am beginning to see my Muffin Top melt away. And while I've only lost 8 pounds, my muscle mass has increased and I am feeling better than I've felt since I was a teenager.

My phone kicked the bucket. I have been without a phone for 3 weeks. And other than missing out on my "JMU Ladies" and "The Fam"group texts, and daily phone calls with my mom, it has been wonderful being (somewhat) disconnected from the real world.











There was a flash-flood.  Luckily the house wasn't ruined-but Steven's car is currently at the shop getting estimated for flood damage. Awesome. 

I think that about sums it up.  

I guess I have just felt a little uninspired to write.  I have been dealing with some pretty heavy work stuff, and in order to get myself back into writing, I first had to take care of my basic needs.  Now that I feel like I have (at least began to) manage my feelings surrounding the stuff at work, I feel that I can write again; and that feels good.

Earlier this week I had to spend a day away from jail.  Because of the flood last night and Steven being carless, I had to stay home and take care of my family and some stuff around here.  Being home was great, but with everyone home and the two dogs, sometimes the house feels like a cardboard box.  After about 6 hours of constant noise and chaos, I was about ready to scream.  And then Turtle came in our room. He started messing with the dogs, asking questions and upsetting our dog Kayo with all the noise, I literally didn't think I could make it another minute and so I decided to do what so many parents do; I reached for the electronic babysitter. Once again bending my strict rules about electronics and screen time, just for a few minutes of silence.

Now, I said bending, not breaking.  I couldn't let him get away that easy with free time on the Kindle. He had to do SOMETHING to earn it. Or at least something to teach him something.  He saw the Kindle in my hands and his mouth hushed as his infectious smile crossed his face.  As I handed Turtle the Kindle I explained to him about dogs and their body language.  I explained to him that all the noise was upsetting Kayo and that Kayo was showing him with his body.  I told him that he would be using his Kindle but only to research dog body language.

 As I expected a smart remark about how "it's not fair" or "do I have toooooo?" I was absolutely shocked when instead he said, "Awesome!"then quickly went to work.

The house was quiet and I sat down to check my email, and do some of the work I was missing because of the flood.  Before I knew it 20 minutes had gone by when I heard, "EMILY!" being yelled from downstairs. At just a little less than 2 years into motherhood, I have finally learned that your name being screamed does not necessarily  mean an emergency. So I took my time and went downstairs.  No emergency-shocking.  Instead Turtle  wanted to give me a report about dog behavior. 

And this my friends, is when I developed my new way to encourage learning over the summer.

Here Are the Rules:

• Each day Turtle will pick a topic out of a list of "Cool Topics" supplied by Mom
• Turtle must READ something about cool topic for at least 15 minutes, after that he may READ or WATCH something educational about cool topic
• Upon completion (no time limit on when it has to be completed, just as long as it's before electronics/screen time) Turtle will give a brief report to Emily and/or Dad
• Emily and/or Dad will "grade" report on a pass/fail rating
•  to pass the Turtle must teach Emily/Dad something-it doesn't have to be something new
• If report is passing, Turtle will have access to electronics and screen time
• If report is failing, Turtle will have one chance to redo the report. If he passes the second time he will have access to electronics and screen time
•  If the second report is failing, Turtle will not have access to electronics or screen time

So this may be a little flawed. I came up with it in about 10 minutes.  With that being said, I was able to work on other stuff and write this within 40 minutes, all the while Turtle working on his report.  At one point I got up to tell Steven something and asked Turtle, "How's it goin?"  He grunted in reply. I can only try and interpret it and I think it means, "I'm learning!" And indeed, he was. 

He did a wonderful report about dogs and their body language.  But of course, I am not the best with technology, and accidentally deleted his video.  Oops.  So instead, here is his most recent video with his report on trees in our neighborhood.

I would love to hear any ideas you guys may have in limiting screen time.  It is no secret that it is a constant debate in our house.  I am okay with screen time but feel like it should be for educational purposes, at least for Turtle. I see now that, that isn't fair, and that I am a hypocrite. I have spent so much time with my nose in the phone instead of really spending time with my family.  I am hoping that this new family rule will not only help Turtle learn, but will inspire me to put the phone or computer down and really enjoy the time I have with my loved ones.  How does your family limit screen time both for kids and adults?

Trying to Say Goodbye with Grace

It has been exactly one year since I said goodbye to my Gram.  For those of you who don't know, my Gram was an integral part of my life.  She and Pap helped raise me, taking place of an absent, alcoholic father. They made sure my brother and I felt loved and special, even though the demons planted in my soul by my father fought to tell me differently.  They took us on vacations, and fostered my love and appreciation for culture, history and learning.  My Gram taught me several lessons of life and love over the 28 years together.  But most importantly,  my Gram taught me what a good grandmother, mother, wife and friend is supposed to look like; she taught me grace.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I don't fit the picture society paints of grace.  Well put together, classy, polite at every moment-that is definitely not me.  But what society doesn't show us is the true meaning of grace. Loving every person we come into contact with despite their faults, character flaws and indiscretions toward us. This lesson Gram taught me has led me to become a wonderful social worker, and a person I am proud to be on a daily basis.  Without this lesson, I do not know where I would be.  I fear that I would not be in a job that I love, attempting to fill the lives of the most hopeless and unlovable people with a glimmer of hope lit by my acceptance of their flaws.

Even though I am able to be thankful for these lessons, and carry Gram with me on a daily basis, it wouldn't be fair of me to say that I am okay with her death.  Or that I have completely grieved the loss of one of the most beautiful souls I have had the privilege of knowing.  In fact, I would say the complete opposite.  And as I write this I begin to think that maybe I am not the epitome of the grace that was taught by Gram, and perhaps I am the opposite.  I am still angry that a routine procedure turned into over 2 weeks on life support.  I still want to scream when I think of the countless mistakes that were made in Gram's care that led her to living her last days kept alive by machines.  I want to tear into the doctor who looked me in the eyes and lied to me telling me that, "she is going to recover from this" rather than being a man and shooting it straight to me-after I begged him for honesty.  I am angry, and there is no doubting this lack of acceptance would not be considered graceful by Gram.

With 3 years under my belt as a hospice social worker, I thought I would move quickly through the Stages of Grief that I would venture to say every individual passes through. However, I seem to be stuck in the Anger stage, angry with everyone including God, the doctors, and even myself for not letting my Gram know every single day how much she meant and continues to mean to me, even after her untimely death.  I hate that I am stuck in this phase, and even though I know grief is individual and everyone's journey is like a rollercoaster filled with highs and lows, I am exceptionally hard on myself for being stuck in anger. 

I think that part of the reason I have found myself stuck in the anger stage is due to my lack of allowing myself to feel all of the feelings I have about Gram's death.  It is so much easier to be mad at everyone and everything about losing one of my best friends, than to feel sadness. And it is even harder yet to accept that I will never see her face or hear her sweet angelic voice ever again.  So instead I allow my blood to boil thinking of that doctor I mentioned before, or the fact that we were mislead about treatment and therefore kept Gram alive much longer than we would have if given the truth about her condition and the ultimate outcome.

So where do I go from here? I guess if I go back to what I wrote about in my New Year's post, I should try to figure out a way to make the next year less angry, and more graceful and accepting; like Gram would want.  I also guess this means I need to add to my list of resolutions and goals for 2015 and allow myself to move through the grieving process.  I am not sure what that means exactly, but I know that something needs to change or I will live the rest of my life being angry about Gram being taken away from me.  And that is not what she would want.  She would want me to move forward, to think of her and accept her death, and to have nothing but happy thoughts about the times we had together; the lessons she taught.

The lessons Gram taught me helped me counsel so many people through the grief process helping them to reach ultimate acceptance.  However, I am not sure which direction to tell myself to venture down this path.  I have encouraged people to write letters, go to counseling, and to talk openly about the memories they have of their loved one; but none of this seems right to me.  I am kind of lost on this one, and maybe that is not a good thing to "admit" in a blog dedicated to helping people become a better version of themselves; but it is honest.  Incredibly honest. And how can I help others if I don't admit my own weaknesses and faults?

This honesty was taught by Gram, and I believe as I write this post to share with you is the first step to my ability to accept her death.  If I use this honesty, I am able to see the senselessness in my anger.  Wanting to rip a doctor's head off won't bring Gram back, and it sure as hell won't make me move forward in accepting her death.  And since I am being honest, I don't know where I will start.  I don't know what the first step is, and I honestly continue to feel stuck. 

While I am still stuck, this post has been cathartic and I hope that maybe, just maybe this is the first step.  As I journey into this New Year, I hope to find my way through the peaks and valleys of grief and on my road to acceptance.  As angry as I continue to be, I know that Gram is watching over me and will help me along my way.  I will continue this path with Gram and grace in my heart, and hopefully by this time next year, I will be able to tell you that I have reached acceptance and will be filled with less anger and more happiness as we remember my Gram on the anniversary of her death.

In Memory of

Marian Louise Fischer Yatsko

1935-2014