Steven's Superfoods!

Steven finally sat down and wrote a post for you all about some of the foods we like to keep in our house. These are some of his suggestions and the justification for why he likes to keep them on hand:

I often have clients ask me what foods they should eat, or keep in their fridge and pantry that contain high levels of vitamins. They also ask which foods will give them energy, power, endurance, and aid in muscle recovery and growth. Here are a list of my favorites as well as the favorites of most high intensity athletes:

Top 4 for proteins are: 

1. Whole eggs or egg whites

2. Super lean meats including poultry and game; organic free range beef, free range and grain fed chicken, deer or bison. 

3. Fatty fish - like wild salmon (Try to stay away from farm raised salmon; wild salmon has half the fat, fewer calories and it has a higher content of potassium and zinc.)

4. Fermented soy such as tempeh, natto and miso. Why? Because it helps to reduce the hazard of disease like cancer. Do not confuse with non-fermented soy like soy milk.

Top 2 for legumes are:

1. Beans (Not the kind in a can, people! Instead choose dry beans that needs to sit over night in water to be rehydrated. The more variety the better-Black beans, white beans, navy beans, pinto beans, lima beans, etc.)

2. Lentils ( brown lentils, green lentils or beluga lentils- black) Why are lentils so awesome you ask? They are high in protein and low in fat. Need I say more?

Top six fruits and vegetables are:

1. Tomatoes: Why? They are high in vitamins A and C as well as calcium, potassium, and lycopene which all help to fight heart disease and cancer.

2. Spinach: Why? Dark greens are good for skin, hair and bones. It lowers the risk of cancer and helps to improve and maintain overall health. Just ask your boy, Dr Oz.

3. Organic Cruciferous veggies like broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower and brussels sprouts. These are known as super veggies because they contain disease fighting phytochemical. 

4. Avocados: Why? Avocados work as a anti-inflamatant. They are high in monounsaturated fat which reduces bad levels of cholesterol. They are also an excellent meat substitute. 

5. Citrus such as oranges or grapefruit. Why, you ask? Um duh, we should of learned about these fruits in kindergarten people. 

6. Berries: Why? They are full of nutrients and antioxidants. The top berries I would suggest are Goji, blueberries and Acai. Berries are a great energy booster and you should eat them everyday. 

Top three starches and whole grains:

1. Sweet potatoes (no yams in a can people) Why? Because they are packed with minerals like folate, copper, magnesium, and iron. Plus they are inexpensive!

2. Quinoa: why? Quinoa is very high in protein and riboflavin which is good for the brain and helps with migraines. It is also low in calories and gluten free.

3. Amaranth: Why? Because it is also very high in protein (26 grams per cup), can aid in natural weight loss and it is gluten free. 

Top three source of good fats:

1. Nuts and nut butters- like cashews, almonds, pecans, peanuts are filled with heart healthy fats, a great source of protein and are a great in between meal snack.

2. Seeds, like flax, hemp, and chia are high in good fats like omega 3 and a great source of energy

3. Olive oil helps to maintain healthy cholesterol levels. It is also great for diabetics because it helps to regulate sugar levels in the blood 

Top two drinks:

1. Water: Why? Well, just to name a few reasons, it prevents dehydration, curves appetite, promotes high energy levels, flushes out toxins in the body, improves the skin, promotes regularity (helps you to poop),improves mood, and great for preventing headaches. 

2. Green tea: Why? It improves metabolism, lowers blood pressure, reduces the formation of plaque and it increases the amount of catechin which is an antioxidant that promotes healthy cell growth. 

The basis of maintaining a healthy life style is knowing what to put in your body that promotes a healthy mind and healthy body. These power foods are loaded with nutrients, vitamins, and minerals that promote muscle growth, recovery and cardiovascular endurance so you can heal and to continue to develop a strong, lean and healthy body. When you are in the grocery stores, try to stay out of the aisle and rather, shop outside of them. Stay away from the boxed and canned goods; instead, eat seasonal produce and learn how to properly prepare your vegetables so you get the most out of them. I wish you the best on your journey to becoming and maintain a healthy and happy lifestyle. 

Checkout more of Steven's tips at  https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=856757004377197

Trying to Say Goodbye with Grace

It has been exactly one year since I said goodbye to my Gram.  For those of you who don't know, my Gram was an integral part of my life.  She and Pap helped raise me, taking place of an absent, alcoholic father. They made sure my brother and I felt loved and special, even though the demons planted in my soul by my father fought to tell me differently.  They took us on vacations, and fostered my love and appreciation for culture, history and learning.  My Gram taught me several lessons of life and love over the 28 years together.  But most importantly,  my Gram taught me what a good grandmother, mother, wife and friend is supposed to look like; she taught me grace.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I don't fit the picture society paints of grace.  Well put together, classy, polite at every moment-that is definitely not me.  But what society doesn't show us is the true meaning of grace. Loving every person we come into contact with despite their faults, character flaws and indiscretions toward us. This lesson Gram taught me has led me to become a wonderful social worker, and a person I am proud to be on a daily basis.  Without this lesson, I do not know where I would be.  I fear that I would not be in a job that I love, attempting to fill the lives of the most hopeless and unlovable people with a glimmer of hope lit by my acceptance of their flaws.

Even though I am able to be thankful for these lessons, and carry Gram with me on a daily basis, it wouldn't be fair of me to say that I am okay with her death.  Or that I have completely grieved the loss of one of the most beautiful souls I have had the privilege of knowing.  In fact, I would say the complete opposite.  And as I write this I begin to think that maybe I am not the epitome of the grace that was taught by Gram, and perhaps I am the opposite.  I am still angry that a routine procedure turned into over 2 weeks on life support.  I still want to scream when I think of the countless mistakes that were made in Gram's care that led her to living her last days kept alive by machines.  I want to tear into the doctor who looked me in the eyes and lied to me telling me that, "she is going to recover from this" rather than being a man and shooting it straight to me-after I begged him for honesty.  I am angry, and there is no doubting this lack of acceptance would not be considered graceful by Gram.

With 3 years under my belt as a hospice social worker, I thought I would move quickly through the Stages of Grief that I would venture to say every individual passes through. However, I seem to be stuck in the Anger stage, angry with everyone including God, the doctors, and even myself for not letting my Gram know every single day how much she meant and continues to mean to me, even after her untimely death.  I hate that I am stuck in this phase, and even though I know grief is individual and everyone's journey is like a rollercoaster filled with highs and lows, I am exceptionally hard on myself for being stuck in anger. 

I think that part of the reason I have found myself stuck in the anger stage is due to my lack of allowing myself to feel all of the feelings I have about Gram's death.  It is so much easier to be mad at everyone and everything about losing one of my best friends, than to feel sadness. And it is even harder yet to accept that I will never see her face or hear her sweet angelic voice ever again.  So instead I allow my blood to boil thinking of that doctor I mentioned before, or the fact that we were mislead about treatment and therefore kept Gram alive much longer than we would have if given the truth about her condition and the ultimate outcome.

So where do I go from here? I guess if I go back to what I wrote about in my New Year's post, I should try to figure out a way to make the next year less angry, and more graceful and accepting; like Gram would want.  I also guess this means I need to add to my list of resolutions and goals for 2015 and allow myself to move through the grieving process.  I am not sure what that means exactly, but I know that something needs to change or I will live the rest of my life being angry about Gram being taken away from me.  And that is not what she would want.  She would want me to move forward, to think of her and accept her death, and to have nothing but happy thoughts about the times we had together; the lessons she taught.

The lessons Gram taught me helped me counsel so many people through the grief process helping them to reach ultimate acceptance.  However, I am not sure which direction to tell myself to venture down this path.  I have encouraged people to write letters, go to counseling, and to talk openly about the memories they have of their loved one; but none of this seems right to me.  I am kind of lost on this one, and maybe that is not a good thing to "admit" in a blog dedicated to helping people become a better version of themselves; but it is honest.  Incredibly honest. And how can I help others if I don't admit my own weaknesses and faults?

This honesty was taught by Gram, and I believe as I write this post to share with you is the first step to my ability to accept her death.  If I use this honesty, I am able to see the senselessness in my anger.  Wanting to rip a doctor's head off won't bring Gram back, and it sure as hell won't make me move forward in accepting her death.  And since I am being honest, I don't know where I will start.  I don't know what the first step is, and I honestly continue to feel stuck. 

While I am still stuck, this post has been cathartic and I hope that maybe, just maybe this is the first step.  As I journey into this New Year, I hope to find my way through the peaks and valleys of grief and on my road to acceptance.  As angry as I continue to be, I know that Gram is watching over me and will help me along my way.  I will continue this path with Gram and grace in my heart, and hopefully by this time next year, I will be able to tell you that I have reached acceptance and will be filled with less anger and more happiness as we remember my Gram on the anniversary of her death.

In Memory of

Marian Louise Fischer Yatsko

1935-2014

New Year, New Post

It's no secret that I have "fallen off the wagon" when it comes to writing posts.  Life has been so busy over the past few months. Between my brother's wedding,

the holidays

and trying to keep my house running in some kind of fashion,

I have let sitting down to write take a back seat.  I have been feeling guilty about this but have continued to put it off.  Maybe because I figure, "who wants to follow a blog where the author writes maybe once a month" or maybe because at the end of the day when I finally feel like I have time, all I want to do is catch up on the newest episodes of my favorite shows available on Netflix.  Either way, I have decided today, on the first day of the New Year, to make time to sit down and write; and to continue doing so at least once a week for the next year. 

Maybe this is a little bit ambitious, but isn't that what New Year is about?  Setting goals that we hope to achieve and if we don't we restart them the following year?  I know that for myself I more or less set the same resolutions every year. And every year, I do great for the first 6 months or so and then life takes precedent and my goals are quickly forgotten.  So, this year, I am hoping to do things a little different.  It has been proven that setting goals that are achievable and time sensitive help us to reach them.  And doesn't it feel much better to set attainable goals and complete them?  There is such a sense of pride that comes from being able to say "I did it!".   Additionally, I have found both with my personal life and the work I do with my clients that if there is someone to be accountable to the goal is much more likely to be reached.  Therefore, I am putting my readers in the position of holding me accountable, and am sharing my top 5 goals with you today.

 

New Year's Resolutions

1. Live a healthier lifestyle-less wine, more workouts. Less junk, more clean eating.  Even though I do well with this most of the year, the past few weeks I have definitely gained what I call "The Holiday 5" by eating handfuls of Chex Mix, Cookies and anything else I could indulge myself in.  I am not going to say, "I am going to lose 15 pounds" because I don't know if that will happen.  But I will say that I am going to make better choices, and hope to be able to share with you my journey as my body begins to thank me for giving it what it wants and needs rather than what I want and think I need.
2. Finish my LISW.  For those of you who don't know, I have been working on completing this next level of licensure in Social Work for a little over 2 years. The doors that will open with having an independent license will be phenomenal and therefore I am making it a point to complete this license this year. 
3. ORGANIZE my house.  It feels like every time I get something organized, there are 858492893 other things that need the same attention.  I plan to knock this all out within the first 3 months of 2015, room by room.  I will also be getting rid of a lot of stuff that I don't need to hang on to.  I will let you all know what I will be getting rid of, in case you want any of said stuff.
4. Write recipes.  Everyone knows that we cook in my house.  Normally Steven is in charge, and that makes it hard for me to write and share recipes with you.  Therefore, I am proposing (without Steven's knowledge) more joint cooking, and more recipe writing.  Even if we have to video tape ourselves and write the recipe after, I think it will be worth it.
5. Number 4 led me to this last top 5 goal, which is share more of our tips with you, my readers.  We will be posting videos, recipes and more blog posts about what I think are helpful topics.  And hopefully through doing so will be able to get Let's Be Wellness off and running.

So maybe these goals aren't written as time sensitive and specific, but I didn't want bore you with all of the "I will do this by this date to make this goal happen".   But they do give you the idea of what Steven, my family and I will be working on to make this year, the best year possible.  

 

I hope that all of you have set some achievable goals for the year, and I look forward to watching us all grow during 2015.  Here is to a wonderful year filled with happiness, love, progress and wellness for our minds, bodies and souls. Let's Be Happy, Let's Be Healthy, Let's Be Wellness! 

You Can't Judge a Book By It's Cover

I haven't posted in weeks and had every intention of sharing some of our recipes with you, in a post I have already titled, A Hummus Among Us.  However, since thinking about my day at work today, I am feeling a lot more like writing about my new job.  I know it is a little out there for a post of Let's Be Wellness, but it is something I am beginning to grow a passion for, and I think that having a passion for the work you are doing carries over into all other realms of your life.  Cause, let's face it, we spend just as much time at work as out of work.

 

For those of you who don't know, I am a Licensed Master Social Worker, or more commonly, a LMSW.  That is just a fancy way of saying someone who has spent a lot of money and time studying Social Work, and is able to make more money for the agency they work for because of some extra letters after their name.  For the past year I have been working as a therapist for the local mental health center.  I loved my job, my clients, the people I worked with but after almost a year, it was time for a change.  Back at my days at James Madison University  (GO DUKES!), I knew I wanted to "work with people", but I didn't know to what capacity.  I have always been interested in the criminal justice field, so I minored in this discipline.  It wasn't until the summer after my sophomore year, and an internship at the local Probation and Parole Office, I realized how intrigued I was by the so-called criminal mind.  This interest has sat as a small bud inside of me since 2005, waiting for the chance to grow into something beautiful.  And now almost 10 years later, I have been afforded the opportunity to not only "work with people" but to work with those "criminal minds", and was finally given the opportunity for my budding love of the field of criminal justice to grow .

 

When I called and texted my friends and family to tell them I had accepted a position with the mental health team at the jail I was met with a myriad of responses.  From "are you sure?" to "we are so proud of you" to the joking "oooooh the inmates are going to looooove you" I got from my friends. I think I heard every response possible.  I replied with "yeses" "thank yous" and "lols", but inside I was anxious.  Was I making a mistake?  How was I going to handle hundreds of sex deprived men?  What about the first sex offender I would have to sit down with? Was I actually brave enough to go up onto the units with the inmates? Or would meet with them via the Polycom system, safe with a computer monitor and hundreds of feet of hallways, sally ports and correctional officers, some with guns, sitting between us?

 

Well my friends, the anxiety has dissipated for the most.  And I have been able to answer all of those questions I asked myself, and more.  First, no I absolutely 110% did not make a mistake.  If anything this has been the most life changing career decision I have made to this point. I truly believe I have found something else I am passionate about.  I go up onto the units daily.  Male, female, general population, medical, segregation, protective custody, booking.  You name it, I've been there.  I don't allow a screen to separate me from the inmates as I believe there is something to be said for human to human interaction and expression of empathy. In regards to handling the men? Fairly easy. Kind of like non-sex deprived men, if you ask me.  Set boundaries, don't let them walk all over you, don't let your kindness be taken for weakness.  Follow these rules and call them on their BS, and you are good to go.  The first sex offender I met?  Extremely mentally ill and a victim of lifelong abuse himself.  While his crimes make my skin crawl, it does not change the fact that he is a childhood sexual abuse survivor, a victim of prison rape, and more importantly like every other inmate I come into contact with, he is human.

 

I think that an interaction with a particular inmate I had on Friday, and again today has really lit the fuel in my fire for a change to be made.  We are so scared of "Criminals" without knowing anything about the person, that we almost dehumanize them.  We see these men and women as their crimes, "oh he's a drug dealer" or "she's just a prostitute" and forget that they are made up of more than the mistakes they have made.  Sure, there are bad people in jail.  Just like there are bad people on the street. Or maybe even at your office.  But a lot of the inmates I see on a daily basis are either very sick, or are good people who have led some pretty horrendous lives and have done what they need to in order to survive their circumstances.

 

Take this for instance: 

 

The inmate that I previously mentioned and have met with on two separate occasions over the past two weeks.  He is in general population, currently in jail for a drug charge but with a rap sheet including robberies, burglaries and other drug related convictions.  He has been in and out of jail for 10 years with a stay at prison for a year.  He is a black kid, with tattoos on his face, neck and arms. And to many of you, he is a gangster thug drug dealer.  A hopeless case, and just another name to add to the list of deadbeats. 

 

To me he is the kid who grew up in the projects without a dad.  Surrounded with gangs, drug deals and violence.  A kid whose mom was always putting him down, and sent him to an institution to "deal with himself" from the age of 10 to 16.  A kid who felt forced to turn to the streets for love and support.  A kid who tells me he has never asked for help because, "it's not what we do". The same kid whose written request for mental health services literally said, "I need"  because he didn't even know how to ask for that help.   A kid who looks at me, saying he has never been a victim of abuse or violence, but his eyes scream he has. A kid wanting a better way but telling me, "you are the only person who has talked to me, listened and made me feel like more than my convictions".  He is a kid who is terrified that he will end up back in jail, or dead, because the streets are the only home he has known.  

 

If you choose to view the inmate from the first description you most likely aren't going to want to give him a chance.  He may have some work history that will get him in for an interview, but the first time you see his face tattoos, or run his record, you are going to turn him away.  Just like the 23 other  hiring managers he has met with over the past month.  But, if you choose to think of him as someone who wants the change, and who has not learned any differently you may be willing to give him a chance.  To not let the stigma of being a criminal stand in the way of helping someone better themselves.  For we are all human, and like someone once told me, "you can't judge a book by it's cover". 

 

I challenge you, as always, to examine your beliefs.  What stereotypes that you hold have caused you to misjudge or keep from getting to know someone?  I then challenge you to pick that book with torn pages, broken binding and bland cover off the shelf rather than picking the novel with the flashy cover.  You might be surprised by what you find.

The Migraine War

Yesterday morning when I woke up to get Turtle ready for school, I knew it was going to be a bad day.  My head was already pounding, I was dizzy, and I felt like I was about to hurl all over the place. I immediately rummaged through my purse, took a tramadol, and hoped for the best.  But as I attempted to get Turtle to his school I realized it was too late, I had skipped right past prodome,  and into full-blown migraine. (I have included a link here that touches on the different phases of migraine. Some experience all, some experience just the attack, but I will let you explore that more on your own)  Another day lost, spent in the dark, praying that the medicine, combined with quiet and dark would have me feeling better in 4 hours rather than the 72 migraines can last.

According to The Migraine Research Foundation, about 25% of American households contain at least one person who suffers from migraine with about 18% of women and 6% of men suffering.  You would think that with this many people suffering from migraine, we would be more educated about what migraine really is, and what we can do about it.  The term Migraine is used loosely, and while it is considered to be one of the top 20 debilitating medical conditions, some people think of Migraine as being a synonym for headache.  But the fact is, while I wish it was that simple, it's not.

Migraine, and yes, I have been saying that right, is actually a neurological condition.  Many sufferers, including myself experience a host of symptoms which include dizziness, nausea, tingling or numbness to extremities, and extreme sensitivity to light, sound and smell (The Migraine Research Foundation, 2014).  Some sufferers are given a heads up that they are about to have an attack, others are not, and this makes treatment difficult as I have found once I am in full-blown Migraine, there is no turning back. 

Sure, I have a purse full of medicine. Excedrin, Tramadol and Imitrex are some of the common drugs, prescribed and over the counter, to help with migraine relief.  But as I have been researching migraine for this blog I have found a host of alternative treatments and preventatives that are holistic.  Have a used them? Not as much as I should. Am I going to? Yes. Especially after this last attack, and having to miss a day of my last full week in my current position at the Mental Health Center(more on this later).  I don't want to miss any more sessions with clients, contributing to the 113 million days of work lost to migraine per year. I especially don't want to have to miss any weekends, family events or any other pleasurable activities I have lost to migraine in the past.

So here, for you, are some of the preventions I have found in my research.  I hope that any of you that suffer from migraine will join me and use these interventions daily to minimize the risk of feeling the way I do as I sit here feeling the repercussions of today's migraine. Like anything else, the best course of action is prevention, but if you are and continue suffering from migraines please don't become a member of the nearly 50% of sufferers who go undiagnosed. Seek medical condition as migraine can mimic other, more serious health issues.

Preventative Holistic Measures for Migraine

1. Healthy Diet
• Riboflavin has been found to reduce migraine headaches by 50% in sufferers (according to Dr. Oz) and can be found in asparagus, low fat milk, mushrooms and quinoa
• Consuming foods high in Omega 3 fatty acids (such as fish) and B vitamins may prevent migraine
• Use of spices including garlic, chili peppers, onion, basil, rosemary , cinnamon, black pepper, mustard seed, cumin curry or cilantro has been found to reduce the risk of migraine
• Some of our favorite foods such as chocolate, aged cheese, red wine and sour cream have high levels of migraine provoking tyramine and phenylalanine and should be avoided
2. Food Allergies
• You may want to avoid certain common food allergens and change your diet to see if the migraine attacks reduce or subside.  Possible triggers, once again made up of a list of some of our favorite foods, includes caffeine, chocolate, dairy, gluten and alcohol
• It is especially important to look at food allergies in children with migraine, as this may prevent them suffering with attacks for their entire lives
3. Magnesium Levels  
• Taking a supplement of 600mg of magnesium has proved helpful as studies have found that individuals suffering from migraine have drops in magnesium levels, especially during attacks (this was found on several sites, including here)
4. Hormonal Imbalance
• There is a reason that women tend to have more migraine attacks then men, and some believe this is due to hormonal imbalance especially during a woman's menstrual cycle, if you believe this may be the cause of your migraine you should consult with a doctor before taking any hormone therapy

These are just some of the preventative measures, and I could continue writing more.  However, I am beginning to feel pretty wiped out from battling all day, and feel like it's time to retreat to my cave.  Please feel free to email us with any questions, or post comments about what you have found helpful in your own migraine war.

All My Mistakes

I have some "friends" they don't know who I am

So I use quotations around the word friends

But I have a couple that have always been there for me.

All My Mistakes by The Avett Brothers

 

 

If you know me, you know that I love music.  You should also know then, that I love The Avett Brothers, especially their older stuff.  So, it's no surprise that this weekend while I was driving through South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia and Tennessee I had my iTunes playlist "Happy Place" playing in my car.  As I was driving, the song All My Mistakes came on.  I normally skip over this one in the car, since it's slower and heavens knows I don't need any other reason to feel tired while I am driving, but this time I let it play.  I listened to the words as they came through my speakers and I felt them resonate with me for two reasons; 1. The title and 2. The lyrics found above.

First off, the title, All My Mistakes.  How often do we fall victim to regretting the actions we have made in the past?  How often do we think, what a mistake?  If you are anything like me, you have thought this at least once in your life; I know for me it's been more than once.  I used to drown in my mistakes, and to be honest, I still feel myself being pulled in the world of regret.  While I still slip on this path called life, I try not to see my mistakes as pit falls without a bridge leading the way, but rather as stairs you are able to trip up (I would find it hard to believe I am the only person who trips up the stairs, Mom) and still recover from the fall.  This song, and several others by the Avett Brothers, remind us that life is a journey and we may hit bumps, but they are not the end of a beautiful path.  And this is the way I try to live my life.  I try not to be defined by the difficulties I have faced, by the mistakes I have made, by the past.  I try to "stop and smell the roses", and accept each day as a "present", to be mindful, for life is short an unpredictable. (Click Here for More on Mindfulness)

Secondly, this song touches upon friendships.  This day and age, especially with social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) the term friendship gets thrown around pretty freely.  Everyone has a "BFF", or five, and the meaning of what a friend truly is has been lost.  The Avett Brothers share the belief with me that "friend" is a pretty meaningless word these days.  How many times do you tell someone you are going to dinner with your "friends", but you know the person sitting across from you is as much of a stranger as the weird guy in the booth two seats down?  How many times have you said, my "friend" so and so knows this and that and works with such and such?  How many people have you had a drunken, meaningless, heart to heart with?  I know I have done all of these things.  And I have also been a "friend" to someone by not showing my true self and pretending to be (much) cooler than I actually am.

While I may not have always surrounded myself with friends, I also know that I can relate to the lyrics, "I have a couple that have always been there for me".  I have been blessed to have so many wonderful, genuine friends in my life.  Some have come in and out, and some have stayed.  But all of those who have helped me become the person I am, have been there for me throughout.  Whether phsycially, or in spirit.  As I drove through the mountains this past weekend, I reflected on that.  I thought about how truly lucky I am to know people across this country I could trust with my life.  Who I can call in the middle of the night when my family has decided to take my Gram off life support; or when my beloved dog is breathing his last breaths.  I also know these will be the friends who will be there when I say my vows, or watch my children grow.  They will be there as our parents age, and as our kids learn to drive.

It's amazing to me that this little post sparked out of a way too early cross state drive; and one of my favorite bands.  That a title of a song and the words within it spoke to my heart in different ways. That I was reminded that my past does not define my path, and that said path is littered with "friends", but walked with friends.  I challenge you to actively think about the friendships in your lives.  Who is a "friend"? And who is a friend?  Feel free to leave comments with what a real friend means to you!

Lucidity and Love

I posted my last recipe the other day and promised I would write again later that day or "in a few days".  Since I don't really know what a "few" means, but am pretty sure I've let a "few" days pass, I forced myself to take a break from my 5 day crafting binge for my future sister-in-law's bachelorette weekend and sat down to type. 

I opened up my computer and sat staring blankly at the screen for about 5 minutes before giving up and taking a (s)troll down my Facebook newsfeed.  While looking at my newsfeed, I saw a video which I am sharing with you here before I share my thoughts and feelings.

It is no secret that this video is beautiful and that this mother and daughter are able to share this lucid and loving moment as "momma" slowly slips into the hands of Alzheimer's Disease.  I hate to sound negative about this special moment, but the entire time I watched "Kelly" encourage her mother to remember her, I cringed.  I cringed remembering the countless times as a hospice social worker, I watched family members beg their loved ones try to remember them, just one last time.  I cringed knowing that I did this to my own grandmother, as she slipped away from us in January.  I cringed knowing that this is anxiety provoking situation, and ultimately we put our need to be recognized and loved before that of our loved one. 

Alzheimer's Disease and other brain diseases, including medicated states, can cause our memories to fail us. Think of how frustrated you get when you walk into a room to get something, but can't remember what.  Or how stressful it is when you can't find the keys, or get lost when on a trip?  Doesn't it just grind your gears when you can't recall the name of the new neighbor you met?  I don't know about you, but all of these situations are beyond frustrating to me; and I am someone who would (hopefully) be considered to have full cognitive functioning.  So, think of what this must be like for someone with a failing memory  Their world continues to spin around them, while they remain stuck in a world of confusion. 

When you add someone in who is trying to jog their memory, or argues with the way they remember things to the equation, you ultimately add another level of confusion which can result in combativeness and hurt feelings.  A wonderful advocate for dementia care, Naomi Feil, recognized this anxiety provoking behavior and developed what we know today as Validation Therapy.  Now I could go into the different types of dementia and the different stages and ways of using this therapy in each stage.  But, for time and sanity's sake, I will merely say this.  Validation is what it sounds like...validating people.  Allowing their confused reality be reality, and in turn reduce anxiety and improve their quality of life. 

Now, I am going to share a video with you that shows what Validation Therapy is, and what it is capable of doing.  Disclaimer:  I have seen this video over 25 times and still cry when I watch; you may want to grab some tissues.

I don't think it is fair to say that either of these videos is more beautiful than the other.  But what I do think is that these equally touching videos allow us to begin talking about the best way to communicate with those with less than perfect cognitive abilities.  I think that it is beautiful that Kelly was able to communicate with her mother through coaching and reminding.  But I think it is just as amazing to watch Naomi Feil practice her Validation Method. 

I could go on for days about the aging population and the best ways to care for them. Once again, for time and sanity's sake, I will leave you with this; each elder is a gift and has a different story.  Take their stories into account when you communicate with them.  And you may just get one last recognition and lucid moment of love.